She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
