when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
