Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just gift wrapped bread.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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