I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
