She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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