i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I take back everything I said about communal showers
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
