i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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