Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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