If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
