Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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