we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
