The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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