I got chris browned last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
