Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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