i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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