I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
