Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
