Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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