Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
