Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
