Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
