This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize