I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize