He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
