just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize