I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
