did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
