i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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