3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
