I smell stomach acid.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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