mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize