my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
