Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
