by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
