Screwed.edu
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
