She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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