The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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