TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
