Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
