I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
