My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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