i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
