We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
