i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
