Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Even the bartender felt bad for me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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