He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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