I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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