I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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