My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Less talking, more tequila
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
