yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
