I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize