Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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