We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize