hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
