It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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