who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize