just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
