It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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