Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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