Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
