I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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