You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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