I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
