Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
