Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
