So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i would punch a child for taco bell
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
