you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
