kristin has been a bad kristin
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
