Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
