I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
