Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
